Who is the bridal shower for

The town got together and offered small gifts to help her start her home without the dowry money. The core of the tradition has somewhat held up over the years, and today, we typically shower couples with gifts for the home.

A bridal shower is a daytime event in celebration of the bride's upcoming marriage. Traditionally, it's an opportunity for guests to give the couple gifts for the home. The etiquette for these affairs has certainly morphed and changed over time, and it can be a bit confusing—from who throws a bridal shower to what to write on a shower invite.

So we talked to etiquette expert Diane Gottsman to get all the answers on what happens at a bridal shower and how to plan one. While it can get a little overwhelming, especially if you're tasked with planning the event, remember it's only meant to be a fun way for the bride to celebrate with close friends and family.

Meet the Expert. As a longtime favorite pre-wedding event, bridal showers can be both exciting and daunting to plan for. From finding a location and choosing the shower decorations to picking a gift the couple will love , this guide has got you covered. Technically, there's no right or wrong way to throw a bridal shower. But this doesn't mean there aren't generally established etiquette guidelines.

Avoid making a bridal shower faux pas by following these etiquette suggestions. The general outline is usually the same: food, drinks, and an opportunity for the bride to open gifts surrounded by guests. You can stick to bridal shower traditions like gift bingo or designing wedding dresses using rolls of toilet paper, or you could plan an activity-oriented shower like a spa day or a calligraphy lesson.

Don't love the idea of opening gifts in front of everyone? Speak up! Those gifts could be set aside so you can open them at home along with your future spouse. Speaking of your partner, they often arrive toward the end of the shower with flowers in tow. It's a sweet way to include them in your celebration as well as help you get those gifts home. Usually, the bridal shower is held two to six months before the wedding.

Choose a date that is convenient for both the bride and her guests of choice, whether that means hosting something a little further in advance or planning it to coincide with a trip home or another get-together, such as a bachelorette party in the evening after an afternoon shower.

The bridal shower is usually hosted by the maid of honor, close friends, bridal attendants, or bridesmaids. No matter who is hosting, be sure to communicate clearly to make sure you aren't planning two separate showers.

Traditional etiquette says the mother or mother-in-law or any relatives, for that matter should steer clear from hosting as it can appear that they are directly asking for gifts. However, today it's become much more common and perfectly acceptable for anyone to host who wants to.

If family members aren't available to help plan, the bridesmaids should step in to help take care of some of the arrangements. Unless it's a complete surprise shower, the person being showered will generally provide some basics that they'd like at their shower. The host will ask about preferred themes, details, date, time, location, activities, and other ideas to get an idea of where to start.

It's up to the host or hosts to use that input to bring the shower to life. As with other pre-wedding events, the guest list should be limited to people who are also invited to the wedding. For the bridal shower, this usually includes the bridal party and the couple's family and close friends. The number invited depends on how large the event is intended to be. If the shower is going to be a surprise, the maid of honor and the bride's mother should work together to come up with a guest list they think the bride will be happy with.

Otherwise, they can have the bride assist them with the guest list and then keep her out of the rest of the planning. Ideally, the invitations should be mailed out four to six weeks before the bridal shower, either by post or email. Make sure to include the bride's name, the date, the time, the location, registry information, a way to RSVP, and the names of whoever is hosting. A bridal shower can be as formal or casual as you want it to be, but it's best to at least include some sort of guide in the invitation.

For example, if many female relatives live out of town, you might want to plan a date that gives them more advanced notice.

But there may be instances when you will want to combine weekends, like if many bridesmaids will be traveling from out of state.

You might select a location to coincide with a specific theme, such as a brewery or a baking school. When it comes to location, it depends on where the bride and her guests live. If she lives out of state but most of her guests still live near her hometown, it may be best if the bride is the one to travel. There is a new trend in bridal showers to include activities.

For example, you might have a wine and paint day or make handmade signs. The most common showers, however, still involve an afternoon brunch or lunch. After lunch, there are usually bridal shower games played. You can purchase printed games that quiz guests about the bride and groom. Or, the bride can be in the spotlight while the guests watch. A fun and affordable option is a Newlywed Game -style quiz. This could lead to a mouthful of gum and plenty of fun photos. For large groups, consider a team game like a wedding dress design challenge from toilet paper.

Get creative, and there are bound to be a lot of laughs. Following games and dessert or during , the bride will open gifts from her guests. Be sure to have a bridesmaid on hand to write down who gave what, so the bride can write thank you notes later.

Usually, the bride and groom will register for wedding gifts. This can be at a department store, home store, or on an online registry.

Another option is to purchase a gift off of the registry and then personalize it with a few extras. For example, get those Champagne flutes she asked for and wrap them alongside a bottle of bubbly and a box of her favorite chocolates for a date night in a box. Select something edible, like personalized cookies or colorful cake pops. Beauty and bath products are another way to go — everyone loves great-smelling bath salts.

Since a shower is all about asking people to bring gifts , it was thought to be tacky if a bride's family were essentially bidding for presents. But if they were secretly hosting, meaning they did the planning and the paying, their identities weren't revealed and the bridal party was usually called upon to fake being the hosts.

Now, though, it's fine for Mom or a sister to plan and host the event. So what does a bride do when no one has offered to host a shower? Even though you know no one is obligated to give you one, you're disappointed and it may especially hurt if you've thrown showers for other people. First, consider that there may be a surprise shower in the wings.

But if you're sure that's not the case and, as time goes on and still no word or sign, you've got to be brave and ask your MOH to throw you one. If she's hesitant because it's a money issue and the bridesmaids are strapped for cash, ask your mom or mother-in-law if they are willing to host a shower for you. You may have to explain the modern etiquette of mom-as-host to them. If someone agrees, don't expect a big blowout of a party. Actually, why don't you suggest a low-key, informal affair in someone's backyard?

They don't even have to serve a meal-it could be a ladies' tea theme with cupcakes and cookies and a variety of hot and cold teas.